I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
