please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
