Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were trust falling into bushes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
