i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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