Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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