i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
