What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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