I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
