when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
