Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
