Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
