nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
