All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
