Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
