I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't make out with my wife yet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
