oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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