so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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