I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
