Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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