i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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