I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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