i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
