I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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