Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
