shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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