He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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