So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
