So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is Oprah even human
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
