i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
