If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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