I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
