i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
