Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
