JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
