Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
