If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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