is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
