1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
