Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
