she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
