Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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