I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
