i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
