your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
