Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
