So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
