i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
