She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
