Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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