Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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