I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
