I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
