He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
