mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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