Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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