I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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