forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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