I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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