I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
