I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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