Will you blow on my dice?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
