My sheets look like a crime scene.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
