My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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