if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
