Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
