you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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