why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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