I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
