gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
