she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
