1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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