Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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