YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
