I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
