Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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