After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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