That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
