We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
