why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
