A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
